Ok so I started this
diary over a year ago with high hopes that it would be the greatest words
splashed on paper. That there would be ideas flowing out of my Ass and I
would have so much to talk about that I would be bustin' out hilarious stories
and essays of testament every other day. This is my second posting… since
feb..of 2015.
But taken in the
consideration that I don’t know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to
bloggin and I'm not the best person when it comes to advice( or grammar for
that matter), I wasn’t overly surprised
when I was completely lost when I sat down to start typing away about my
journey. I had/have all these goals and aspirations that I wanted to fulfill
and document but somewhere along the road.. I feel off the trail.
" I mean geesh!!
I don’t know how ya'll busy moms do it. How do ya'll keep up with
everything that life demands and not lose yourself in the process? "
Previous to the
summer I had a full time job, kids sports practices, homework ,and a house to keep clean. And
thats not even half of the crap I wanted to have going on.. That’s just what I
could fit in.
There are amazing
Women out there that do wonders like in addition to doing all the stuff I
mentioned above, they also find the time to keep up on their health and
relationships, working out, garden, PTA, business ventures, ninja club and moving mountains .. Its pretty impressive.
Probably a winning combination of waking your ass up @ 5am everyday, double shot lattes and
special powers from the gods above.
"
And single moms.. oh Man don’t even get me started! It takes a lot to be a
single mom and an amazing person to boot!"
So though I'm not
hitting as many home runs compared to some of those super moms out there, I at
least am in the batting line up with my
uniform on right side out. And maybe I hit a lot of walkers but I'm lucky to be
on the mom team.
"Mmm ok.. Ok lets face it I probably hit a lot of
foul balls and I was picked last. I'm convinced that I'm doing ok balancing
life's obstacles. Or I was sure until this summer."
THE REALITY THAT HIT ME THIS
SUMMER
Since I was 14, I
have been Working. I had the privilege of starting that early in life.. And it
didn’t have anything at all to do with my mother telling me " I ain't
buying you nothin' any more.. You better get a job" I took that as a sign
as I better get a job.. And Quick. I started working at a fast food joint as
soon as I turned 15 and have had a job ever since.
As I grew older I gained more
responsibility and started a family of
my own. By then there was no 'not working' for me. Bills had to get paid and
kids needed diapers. I was a single mom
there for a while too so I really didn’t have a choice. I knew I had to do what
I needed to do to be able to provide for my kid. But when I was 22 I met my
Angel and he and I started working on life together. We juggled our
schedules so that we didn't have to enroll the kids into daycare and found time
in-between for each other . After a while things got easier. After 10 years of stabilizing ourselves we
finally felt comfortable in our position as a family and couple. We thought
'WOW! this is what it's like huh?'
And then At the
beginning of the summer 2016 it happened.. the need for a daycare. All this
time angel and I had been building our business and working fulltime with
opposite schedules we never thought about what we would do if we both had day
jobs. 2016 is the year of our day jobs.
We never really
received help form our family as far as daycare goes and we never thought we
would be working in the daytime at the same time. I usually worked the day job
and angel, the night shift. We worked it out to be that way. But when his tattoo business took off he needed to
switch to a dayshift schedule. We were at a loss as to what do with our
daughters while we worked. The only other time I used a daycare is when my
oldest daughter, Lilly, was really young
( 1-2 yrs old). I was a young, single mother at the time and I didn’t know what
to look for in a daycare other than someone who seemed nice enough to look
after the kid. I know Lilly didn’t like being there due to the times she got
kicked out of daycare for hitting the other little kids. Apparently she had a right hook that other
moms didn't appreciate quite like I did. And at that time Lilly wasn't about
that SHARING life. After a while I moved in with my mother to help with her
with her in- home daycare she just happen to start at that time and I was lucky
enough to stay home with Lilly until I moved to Texas and she started school.
Fast forward to 2016…
Like any parent
Angel ( my husband) and I were concerned by the reputation and abilities of the
daycares in our area. Granted our kids are older so they don’t need much
supervision but I have a nephew in daycare in the area and my sister always
told me her stories about the ladies and how 'mean' they were to the kids. Now
I don’t know how much 'mean' they can get away with, it’s a state approved
daycare; I mean I imagine my sister just
babies her child more than normal but still it was a major concern for not
having the best experience with daycares in the past. We paid a good friend of
ours for a while to help us with the girls when our schedules would over lap
but even that became expensive as our schedules began to over lap more
frequently. And then finally the deadline was here. Summer was starting, the
kids were out of school and we still hadn't gotten a solid sitter/ daycare for
them. After seeing the rates on daycare so high it didn’t make sense for me to work
just to pay daycare. It's like a second rent payment. It really is crazy how
much daycare costs. Even for part time kids. So at the last minute we decided
that I would take the summer off and do the 'stay home with the kids' thing and
Angel would take care of the ' job' thing.
It wasn’t a big deal. I had stayed home with
the kids before while I was going to school. It worked ok. I went to school
while the kids were in school and I was out before they got out. It was quite
nice. So we agreed that I would take the summer off work to be with the kids
and after the summer I would go back to work. Sure I would have to start over
at another retail job again but its cool. I was down for it.
Present time, Today…
When I left my job it was under a bit of
tension and I wasn’t able to finish off all my shifts. I felt bad I left the
way I did, even it was for my family but I vowed to not let it ruin my leap
into a new life. The reality was, I had been in retail for 15 years and my
patience with it had been deteriorated.
I was tired of the retail politics and the false entitlement of the
customers. I was over it and I was losing my self with every passing minute. In
my eyes, I could let go now BEFORE I lost all self control and it ruin me
completely… That's it. That’s how I saw it. I needed my dignity in tack for the
next phase of my life.
The summer was nice.
My oldest went to Texas for the summer vacation and my youngest and I had great
adventures. It was a nice break from working. The hiking, the road trips, and
sun time was refreshing. But summer was ending and the kids were going back to
school. It was time I started preparing myself to go back to work as well. I started looking for jobs with potential and
when I sat down with angel to discuss all my options with him, that was when he
hit me with it..
Angel" why
don’t you just stay home?"
Me:
"What?"
It was then that
Angel explained to me that the tattoo shop was doing well and with his job
offering him great incentives there wasn’t a need for me to go back to work.
You can imagine my surprise. I have worked since I was 14 years old. Paper
routes, fast food, retail, medical offices. I always had a job. I always made
money. I always pulled my own weight. Well at least that’s how I saw it.. I
never though there would be a day where I didn't have to work. And now he wants
me to stay home? WTH!! What the hell would I do at home? Who would I talk to
all day? How would I keep myself sane? It's weird for me not to have a 9-5 job
you know? It's what I do.. Did.
"Ok.. Ok.. Now ladies, I know what you thinking…
"Why are you even questioning this? Go for it!!"
" Stay home!!"
" Take the deal!!""
But I never wanted
to feel like I wasn’t contributing. I have been through a lot in my life and
not working was always a bad position for me. I always needed to make sure I
could handle anything on my own. That I could pay my own way and the way for my
kids just incase I was left alone. But Angel has made it perfectly clear that I
don’t have to feel like that anymore. That he's here for me for anything. And
his next words validated just that.
Angel; "why
don’t you work on your business?"
Me: "what?'
I guess he was right. while we were setting up
the tattoo shop I mostly worked a 9-5 job, holding down the house stuff
while he
developed his tattoo credentials and clientele. Now that he was working
and holding the house stuff down why shouldn't I take the leap and work on my
dream? I could work on my business and develop it. I had only been dabbling in
my trade. I hadn't thrown myself in it because I was always busy with the kids
and my full time job. I always only dreamt of my business idea becoming full blown business. He was always
encouraging me to do this but I always was the one who held myself back.
"Which is weird because
in my 20's I was a go getter..
Always trying new things and
putting myself out there.
When did I become this hermit crab afraid to come
out of my shell?"
Truth be told I am scared. What if it doesn’t
pan out? What if my products suck? What
if no-one likes my art? What if it starts raining lollipops and gumdrops an have to start
eating those instead? Really, it was just a bunch of excuses I had come up with
so that I wouldn't have to quit my comfortable retail job and possibly fail
doing my own thing. I wasn’t failing at being a worker bee and following
corporate policies. There really wasn’t anything saying that I would fail on my
own. I am just scared. I don’t want my kids to see me hold myself back. I want
them to grab life by the horns. So I guess I should too, to encourage them to
do so as well.
After the summer
ended and the kids went back to school I
realized that being a stay at home mom gave me so much more time to myself.
Both of my kids are in school with after school activities. There really wasn’t
a reason I couldn't work or throw myself into my endeavor. Even with cleaning
up the house and cooking dinner I still have all this time.. Im beginning to do
the things I didn’t have time for before. Working out, writing and painting
again. I actually have an herb garden!! I never really had time to do these
things before. There was always work I had to get to. Now I find myself
drowning in time. I even have time to come and write this diary for you
guys. :0)
So here I go. Off to
start making my dream a reality..
I realize that I
cannot stop myself anymore. I can be scared but to let that fear stop me is
STUPID.
We shouldn’t be
scared to begin a new chapter in our life's.
Go out there ladies
and make things happen. Don’t sacrifice your happiness for anything. Grab your
Happiness and take your family along for the ride. Do it with love and passion
to succeed Show your kids and other people that they can do it too. Share your
experience. And I will too.
Will it be hard work? Probably. Will it change
things? Definitely. Will you regret it if you don’t? Yes. We should make it a point to never do
anything we regret.
Act in a way that
when people look back on your life they feel inspired to live as happily as
you. That they feel inspired to achieve their dreams and goals.
LIVE FREE, FEEL
BEAUTIFUL
SUNFLOWERALLY
P.S.. What inspires
you? Where do you grab your strength and motivation from?
