The Promise I Made This Decade

It’s a silly tradition of mine that every decade I approach in my life…I make myself a new promise of sorts. That I will do something to  change myself and improve my situation.

As I remember adults in my life always telling me to do.

 

" Keep life ever changing. Keep it interesting"..

Well .. Ok..

 

In my teens I promised myself I would graduate high school.

That was a hard accomplishment for me seeing as how I couldn’t keep myself in school. There was always somewhere better for me to be. I never wanted to go to school. And when I did, I didn’t put the effort into it like I should have. When I finally realized " oh crap I need to being doing better at this" I was in my senior year, owed more make-up time than was left in the actual school year and I was about 5 credits short of a diploma. My future didn’t seem so bright and I was slowly drifting down a dangerous road.

 

I woke up one morning at a friends house to a phone call that I always tried to avoid. 

It was my mother.. "ALLISON , WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU.. WHY ARNT YOU IN SCHOOL. ARE THESE GRADES FOR REALS?!?! YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS TO SCHOOL AND GRADUATE NOW!!!"

Mind you I was trying to recover from a massive head ache which I can thank massive quantities of alcohol and all night bonfires for, not to mention the long morning walk across a busy freeway bridge to cross the state line , and beat the sun, to avoid that call that lead to my demise, all while my 17 year old ride ditched me for a substance friendship apparently couldn’t compete with.. I will never forget that day… With makeup still smeared on my face, I went to school that day. And 6 months later, with much difficulty and endless nights of sleep deprivation, I graduated. And I was proud.

 

In my twenties, I promised myself that I would stay strong..

through adversity and emotional pain of learning my lessons the hard way.

 Yes, I was one of those. Didn’t give my self a great kick start in life ,  even though I could have.
In my early 20's I preferred excursions and roaming the coast rather than planting roots I
in solid ground. It was adventurous and free and I wasn’t in a hurry  change my situation.
Then I was gifted with my first diamond, and I quickly realized I was not cut out for the diamond life.

 

There was so much maintenance that went into to keeping diamonds safe and beautiful. And I was having a hard time taming the wild within. I was in a constant battle with my stability and I was in no position to keep diamonds safe. I had no jewelry box, no polish, and NO real plan. Once again,  My future and the future of my diamonds looked very dull and well not very glamorous.

And well..

"There was no way I was gunna be the girl with dull diamonds. " -ME

 I needed to make some changes, and I needed to make them fast.

Inescapably I knew my free range coastal wandering days were coming to an end. And I knew I was going to have to plant my feet in the ground somewhere. I began to slowly work on the things that immediately effected my position in life. Housing, career, company, safety and well being.

 

"You never know how strong you are until your whole world turns upside down

.. then right side up again ..

and then you are left with that tornado of a mess that occurred in the fliping

 that you have to clean up.."

-ME

 

 After a while, with devotion and hard work,  I began to see the lighter side of things. The world didn’t seem so heavy on my shoulders and my insecurities were fading away. And most importantly I was becoming more stable. With the support of my Angel (my partner),  my diamonds were glowing brighter than ever. We became grounded and learned to grow with each other which made me stronger and more confident to stretch out my goals and accomplish more.

 

30 candles and this decades wish for myself.

In keeping with the tradition.. I kind of have.. of making a promise to better myself (and my family now included).. I want to make this decade about not forgetting who I am and what I love.

 Over the last several years I have struggled to maintain my stability , not really maintain stability.

We found that quite easy, my partner and I did, once we got a hold of saving and not over indulging in unnecessary things (i.e. we got over the party stage, the buying random junk that stays in the basement or garage stage, overall learned to budget and compromise and work with each other.)

 I guess stability is the wrong word.

Maybe I meant , I struggled to maintain my sanity. The stability within my self , My identity.

 

"I know there's a lot to take in here. Hang in there."

-ME

 

CAN YOU RELATE?

 Although I had managed to navigate my way through the maze I got my self into the beginning of my journey,  I still  felt like I had forgotten something. Like I forgot to bring something with me.

 I wasn’t missing anything in my life. I had love, happiness, and security..

I was proud that I had truly aimed to turn my life around and I did.  I was proud that I went back to school and didn’t stop myself from learning. Im proud that I was able to become  a strong role model to my family. I was motived and developed discipline.

 

OK SO HERE IT IS..
Truth be told..

 I missed the adventurous side of me. THE ALLY,  that freely roamed the coastal highways and I5 corridor. This person who enjoyed the company of fellow life lovers and travelers. An appreciator of nature and the lessons the road had to offer, the free wisdom of the free world.

I missed it so bad.

 While I was becoming a reliable and responsible mommy, worker bee, and partner..

I had forgotten all the things that I loved as an individual. All the things that I saw and lived. I had forgotten the moments of time that were good and fun. The moments that made life worth living. The moment's when I invented and created. When I used my hands to build and to comfort. Those moments along with the tough ones are what I was made from.  How could I have forgotten all that?

  I had locked that girl deep inside, Into the darkest corner of me. Hidden away because I thought that girl wasn’t good enough. I thought I had to become someone else. Someone responsible and grounded, strong and reliable.

 But ALLY  began to seep through the cracks in my life . And I  began remember her.

She had  ideas and passion. She had charisma and charm. She had freedom.

After I told my angel about how I was feeling he encouraged me to embrace the "old ALLY" and thought it might be fun to set her free. He promised to put up with whatever shenanigans she got us into

(as long as it was within in the lines of the law of course..)
And I promised to remember what I have become and honor her righteously.

 We turned our weekends  into explorative  adventures, beach trips,  hiking, biking, traveling to lunch in different cities. I took mini excursions with my diamonds and my angel having experiences we never knew we could have. I encouraged my diamonds to shine and be adventurous. I have taken up painting and art again. I am indulging in he natural way in life and creating and healing again. 

This is how I want to be. natural and helpful. Making my own creations and free spirited. Healing.

I want to show my diamonds that they could be who they  truly are and do what they love without having to sacrifice a piece of them..  I wand them to know I love them and support them in every thing they decide to do and not to be afraid to incorporate who they are into what they want to be.

 

So what's the promise to myself?
I just had this epiphany so you'll forgive me if its not so organized.

 

This decade, I will be who I am. I will not let fear stop me from doing the things I  have passion for. I will not forget who I am and will embrace this RE-found NEW- found ME! She will evolve and become stronger and wiser.

 

Sneek peek..

 I will birth art,

I want to create and heal. I will learn and I will teach..

I will spread love and peace

I will expand my visions and begin my journey

That’s my promise.

New endeavors, new jewelry box, and new happiness and New

me!  A new me.

 LOL guess it’s the same as the last decades… If I really think about it

 If our phone companies teach us anything.

We're all entitled to an upgrade.

 Who says that doesn’t apply to our soul.